I would always think that this title would be a cliché for my article but I can’t think of such so I decided to use it still. And besides, you may object of course, but you can’t do anything about it. Lately, I am feeling a jerk for myself. It’s an odd thing that my other self compromise with my other selves and they tend to scream in unison that I myself was indeed feeling lonely. Right before I write this crap for you guys, I came from the church, of course to attend the Sunday mass. But it was three straight Sundays that I go to church alone. Thanks to my buddy that he always doesn’t let me know that he wasn’t going to church so I tend to go to church alone, unpredictably. But it won’t hinder me of course to still go to church. But this particular Sunday, it felt odd and different. I don’t know. But suddenly I felt a twinge of loneliness. Oh darn, yes you read it right! I am declaring. I felt I was alone. Well, for me it was an odd thing because I always say; well let me correct that again, my other self always say that I am ok. But I guess that asshole side of mine just gone with the others saying that “Hey bastard! Come into your senses! Admit it! You’re a loser!”

I just felt that I just wanna die there, or just be like a bubble, I wanna burst out disappearing without a trace. I just wanna escape this fuckin’ world. Ironically, I may say that I have almost anything. A nice job, good salary, nice set of friends whom I’ve been with for such a long time, a cozy home, but I still don’t know why there’s something in me that makes me fell that I am still an empty person. That worthlessness feeling inside kills me. I just don’t know. I guess its just that I am not doing anything for a long time because of a quite long holiday but I have realized that this fuckin’ feeling would haunt me every time that I am doing nothing. Shit. I am always fond of doing stuffs that would make others feel happy. I am always that person who would think of a way to make somebody’s “wrong” a “right” but for myself, I am a total loser. I can’t think of a better way to organize my life. I cannot apply those things that I always say to my friends in my own life. Funny thing huh. Well I guess I for now, I can’t do anything about it. For me, life is like a cosine curve, and I am in the sag of my own curve. But I still have that feeling that my curve doesn’t have its summit. I guess my curve isn’t a summit at all. It might be a straight line. A straight line that slopes downwards.